Friday, March 6, 2009

The biggest loser

These horrible album covers have nothing to do with this blog entry. To see more, and where I got them from, I highly recommend you visit this:

or for the full version, this:

I'm a really big loser, so occasionally I like to play a little game with myself (No, not that. But yeah, also that.) I go to and guess what the over-all score different albums and movies are going to receive before I read any reviews (both about movies and music I have seen/heard and ones I have not.) I'm really, really good at it, too, because like I said, I'm a huge fucking loser.

I'm gonna publicly play my little prognostication game on Warped Coasters now, but limit the scope to how many stars some up-coming albums will receive from the most predictable of all music rags: Rolling Stone. I still love their features and longer stories, but no discerning music fan has bought Rolling Stone for the reviews since probably 1969.

Now that I'm finally publishing my worthless talent, I will probably botch all of these predictions and hang my head in shame for perpetuity.

Bob Dylan - (as of yet untitled): 4.5 stars
This would be an easy 5-star prediction, but they gave Dylan's last album "Modern Times" a (deserving) 5-star rating. Also, they already gave both U2 and Springsteen 5 stars this year, which is one album past their usual 5-star stockpile. You know they will prolly give him 5-stars anyway.

Green Day - "21 Century Breakdown": 3 stars
"American Idiot" got 3.5 stars. The follow up could totally blow, but Rolling Stone has been writing so many hype-dredging previews that they won't be able to admit it if it does. Also, they can't give it more stars than "American Idiot" since that was, like, the biggest album of 2004. Or, they could try to payback history by giving the follow up 4-stars to please people that actually care about these kinds of things. For the record, I'm totally ambivalent about everything Green Day has released since "Dookie," which I will still love forever.

Decemberists - "The Hazards of Love": 3.5 stars
Good indie bands always get 3 to 3.5 stars, unless it's the album Rolling Stone wants to champion to regain some sort of cred. The Decemberists have been around too long for that kind of desperate grab, so expect a review in the default and noncommittal 3-star range.

Wilco - (as of yet untitled):
4 stars
Wilco always gets 4 stars. Whatever. If I think it's not up to par, Rolling Stone will like it and talk about how our Dads love it. If I think it's great Rolling Stone will say they tried some new things that don't always work. Either way it will get 4 stars.

Grizzly Bear, Iron and Wine, Silversun Pickups: all 3 stars.
See Decemberists

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