Tuesday, January 13, 2009

My how our governors grow up fast

We Illinoisans are lucky. We had the privilege of hating Blagojevich for six years while the rest of the country have only been exposed to his wonderful world of self aggrandizement and delusions of grandeur for a few weeks. Now when I turn on the Daily Show or Colbert Report, it's like they joined my club, as they destroy his "muskrat smuggling" hairdo or riff on his emperor-has-no-clothes press conferences.

Watching Blago shoot shit-colored rainbows onto the brows of journalists, just hours after his impeachment, was almost enough to bring a tear to my cold, cold blue eyes. But our little Blago has grown up so much. It seems like just yesterday everyone in my hometown — the capital of Illinois, Springfield — couldn't stand the fact that he refused to move to the governor's mansion and remained living in the Chicago area. The man flew a taxpayer-funded jet to the capital whenever he had actual "work" to do, which we now know means shaking down a children's hospital, or anything else that only he would think he could get away with.

Friday's post-impeachment press conference was the best 15 minutes of political television I have ever watched. He spoke for at least 10 minutes about his wonderfully irrelevant health care reforms, but managed to avoid his shady deal to bring in foreign meds that he knew couldn't be sold here. He even implied that his scandal and impeachment was all political payback because he had been such a steward of the people. After reading his laundry list of accomplishments, the man pointed to an uncomfortable crowd of disease survivors (beneficiaries of his benevolent gubernatorial work) he shamelessly propped on stage like a scandal-deflecting force field. As John Stewart said, Blago acts like we can't see him, and it would just be too awkward for us to, you know, spoil the moment by telling him he's less than a little transparent.

The magnificently staged bullshit ended with a poetry reading, a fucking POETRY READING, and not a mention of his pending trial in the Senate, nor even a slight break or pause from his infinite hubris. Like the slime flowing underneath NY in Ghostbusters II (haha), he is a creation generated by the populous' growing cynicism, hatred and unflinching post-modern shame.


The Juice Box said...

Is this photo from Ghostbusters??

Oh, and yeah. Blago really loves his Rudyard Kipling, poetry, etc. That's all he really would do at press conferences in Springfield. At one point, he was talking about how the seniors-ride-free program for the RTA that was an ultimatum from him in passing the mass transit bailout last year was "turning lemons into lemonade." I remember standing at that press conference, trying not to laugh while picturing Will Ferrel in his SNL character, the homeless nude model, who had to go "make lemonade" outside.

Warped Coasters said...

Why of course, it's Vigo the Carpathian. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy, the villain in Ghostbusters II, with Blago's hair added by me.

haha i didn't know Blago had a history of reading poetry at press conferences, that is tremendous.