"I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass.... and I'm all out of bubble gum."

We all owe Rowdy Roddy Piper some appreciation for our new president-elect.

The former wrestler starred in John Carpenter's cult classic 1988 action/horror flick "They Live," a sly commentary on Reagen-era consumerism and single-mindedness. In the film, Piper steals a pair of sunglasses from an extremist group that, when worn, reveal our planet's horrifying reality. Half the humans walking the streets and all the humans in power are, in fact, aliens in disguise. Billboard advertisements are actually mind-controlling propaganda. The film inspired Shepherd Fairey's ubiquitous Andre the Giant "Obey" art campaign. Well, it's the same Shepherd Fairey who (with infinite cred thanks to his vigilante "Obey" work) designed the iconic Obama poster that could not have hurt building the president-elect's brand and message (and probably garnered a few accidental votes along the way).
So, once again thank you Rowdy Roddy Piper, for your deadpan reading of Carpenter's script, for your choreographing of the never-ending fight scene in the alley (which was also spoofed nearly shot-for-shot by South Park) and for making a movie so bad ass it inspired an artist who then inspired millions in a presidential race.
Not bad for a meat head in a mullet.

Me, middle school again

I dusted off my copy of Cake's platinum-selling, yet still under-appreciated 1996 album "Fashion Nugget." It brought me back to getting off the school bus, zoned in on the tunes squirting out the Walkman into my ear drums through some big-ass headphones as I walked down the hallway extra slow, sneering at my classmates with an undeserved sense of cultural superiority. Nostalgia's a bitch, and I felt like making the playlist I would have at that age if I had a CD burner.

1) Cake - Nugget
2) Cake - Italion Leather Sofa
3) Beck - Devil's haircut
4) Beck - Where It's At
5) Rage Against the Machine - No Shelter
6) Rage Against the Machine - Bulls on Parade
7) Eels - Mr. E's Beautiful Blues
8) Eels - Grace Kelly Blues
9) Pearl Jam - Daughter
10) Ben Folds Five - One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces
11) Ben Folds Five - Battle of Who Could Care Less
12) Nirvana - Man Who Sold the World
13) Green Day - Hitchin' A Ride
14) Green Day - Long View
15) Blink 182 - Dammit
16) Dave Matthews Band - So Much to Say
17) Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band - Blue on Black
18) Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze
19) Led Zeppelin - Black Dog
20) Nirvana - In Bloom

More MS Paint stuff

Collages by me, images downloaded via Google

My how our governors grow up fast

We Illinoisans are lucky. We had the privilege of hating Blagojevich for six years while the rest of the country have only been exposed to his wonderful world of self aggrandizement and delusions of grandeur for a few weeks. Now when I turn on the Daily Show or Colbert Report, it's like they joined my club, as they destroy his "muskrat smuggling" hairdo or riff on his emperor-has-no-clothes press conferences.

Watching Blago shoot shit-colored rainbows onto the brows of journalists, just hours after his impeachment, was almost enough to bring a tear to my cold, cold blue eyes. But our little Blago has grown up so much. It seems like just yesterday everyone in my hometown — the capital of Illinois, Springfield — couldn't stand the fact that he refused to move to the governor's mansion and remained living in the Chicago area. The man flew a taxpayer-funded jet to the capital whenever he had actual "work" to do, which we now know means shaking down a children's hospital, or anything else that only he would think he could get away with.

Friday's post-impeachment press conference was the best 15 minutes of political television I have ever watched. He spoke for at least 10 minutes about his wonderfully irrelevant health care reforms, but managed to avoid his shady deal to bring in foreign meds that he knew couldn't be sold here. He even implied that his scandal and impeachment was all political payback because he had been such a steward of the people. After reading his laundry list of accomplishments, the man pointed to an uncomfortable crowd of disease survivors (beneficiaries of his benevolent gubernatorial work) he shamelessly propped on stage like a scandal-deflecting force field. As John Stewart said, Blago acts like we can't see him, and it would just be too awkward for us to, you know, spoil the moment by telling him he's less than a little transparent.

The magnificently staged bullshit ended with a poetry reading, a fucking POETRY READING, and not a mention of his pending trial in the Senate, nor even a slight break or pause from his infinite hubris. Like the slime flowing underneath NY in Ghostbusters II (haha), he is a creation generated by the populous' growing cynicism, hatred and unflinching post-modern shame.

More fun with MS Paint

Collage by me, images downloaded via google

Fun with MS Paint

Collages by me, images downloaded via google

Let's go see "The Hottie and the Nottie"!!!

Apparently film distributors don't think central Illinois folk are sophisticated enough to watch anything worth viewing.

For years I've wondered why none of the critic-lauded fare ever makes it to the local multiplexes. I always assumed the theater owners had at least some say, and plenty of poor taste. Thursday's Cue section of the Journal Star interviewed local theater owners and industry insiders about why "Milk," "The Wrestler," "Rachael Getting Married," "Revolutionary Road," "Frost/Nixon," and other Oscar fare have not yet run through Peoria's projectors. As it turns out, owners of the Rave and Willow Knowles really don't have a say in bringing decent cinema. It's common practice for distributors to slowly roll out the critic darlings in big cities, to garner buzz without spending money on advertising. One would expect that when the film goes into wide release, it would end up here. Not so. I eagerly anticipated "Synecdoche, New York," but as far as I know it never made it, even after going into wide release. According to Danielle Hatch's article, "It's up to when the distributors want to make a given film available to a given market."

It's not like these are esoteric and abstract noise-art projects. "Synecdoche" was written and directed by Andy Kaufman, writer of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "Being John Malcovitch," and "Adaptation," some of the best films and inventive writing of the last 20 years, and all three have a pretty wide following.

The distributors are probably right not to waste the celluloid on unappreciative eyes. I attended one night of Peoria's annual Film Noir festival at the historic Apollo Theater. The ornately refurbished theater plays host to a week of classic noir from the genre's golden era of the '40s, to revisionist works from modern decades. My friend and I were two of only 10 people in the audience, despite the fact that the showing was free (with a suggested donation), and gourmet appetizers were provided by a local caterer free-of-charge. Notable speakers provided insight into the period and film before and after each double bill that week. The event was widely publicized in the arts section of the Journal, and columnist Steve Tarter puts the whole thing together. It's not like nobody knew about the damn thing, people just don't care about good film in small-sized cities. Maybe it's a result of years of conditioning provided by the culture barons living on the coasts. At least Peoria has an "art house" cinema, even if it does only show films sparingly, and rarely shows any new foreign or indie cinema.

What is showing in Peoria defines crass. Nine of the 17 movies currently in theaters locally received a 1.5 star-or-less rating from the AP film reviewer printed in the Journal. Five of the 17 received 2 stars. Only THREE of the 17 movies received a three star rating or better. Enjoy your night at the movies, fuckers.