Monday, September 15, 2008

Unfettered Paranoia: A User's Guide

Released this week, Itunes 8.0 comes with a friendly little devise called "Genius."
When I initiated its painfully long start up procedure, the first item of business was "gathering information about your itunes library."
OK, I can deal with that.
Item number 2, "sending information to Apple."


Is Genius devouring the digital souls of every computer in America, preceding the unstoppable singularity that instigates the impending war between man and machine? Will we have to blacken the sky to cut off their solar power supply? Oh my God, Genius is coinciding with our green attempts to use more solar and wind power. They will use our own environmentally friendly devises against us for power. That's just mean.
We will have to find a way TO STOP THE WIND TOO.
We never should have turned it on.... oh the humanity... the HUMANITY!
Once we hit the switch we could nveer goooo baaaack, what have we done?
I don't want to be a battery.

Will Genius turn me into an electronic zombie? Will Genius know what song I want to listen to before I do?
Will Genius make fun of me for having a couple albums on my hard drive no one should know about?
Will that annoying Apple guy (Justin Long) from the Apple vs PC ads personally come to my house and create playlists on my computer?

If Genius's diabolical electrons and nucleus logo doesn't tip off some Umbrella Corporation-like deceivery, I don't know what will.

1 comment:

Abby said...

For something as potentially threatening as you outline, it's a pretty boring feature.

...maybe that's what it WANTS me to think?