April 13This date shall for ever be known as The Great Album Coverocalypse of 2010, for it was the month of April when an aging Brit guitar hero and two snotty indie kids unleashed ocular atrocities of which the world had never seen. Behold: Jeff Beck's "Emotion and Commotion," and MGMT's "Congratulations." In school your children will read historical accounts of the artwork's creation. They will fear it, learn from it, have nightmares about it. They will, in fact, be changed by it. Simply viewing the acerbic covers will change your epigenetic "marks," mutilating the genetic traits you will pass onto your poor, poor children.
If you gaze upon the "Emotion and Commotion" artwork for too long, your progeny will arrive from the womb predisposed to both British jazz-rock noodling and the airbrushed-artwork commonly found on aging conversion vans.
View MGMT's ironic Sonic-inspired cover and your children will never learn the ability to earnestly love anything, wallowing instead in the shallow undercurrent of ironic detachment. They will also feel the strange need to buy a Sega Genesis, curiously.
And, drum roll please ... the rest of your spring music preview:
March 9Broken Bells [The Shins' James Mercer and Danger Mouse] - Broken Bells
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - The Brutalist Bricks
Titus Andronicus - The Monitor
Frightened Rabbit - The Winter of Mixed Drinks
March 16Drive By Truckers - The Big To-Do
She & Him - Volume Two
April 6Dr. Dog - Shame, Shame
New Pornographers - Together
Broken Social Scene - [Title TBA]
The Hold Steady - Heaven is Whenever
The National - High Violet
May 18The Black Keys - Brothers
LCD Soundsystem - [TBA]