Give the pigs a workout, for once

We've become so accustomed to incompetent thieves, that when they do something as simple as a wear a mask, it's considered revelatory.

From a story about about some dudes who've stolen millions of dollars in jewelry from some JC Penny stores:

"From my viewpoint, it was incredibly sophisticated," Sheriff Strain said. "Detectives have a surveillance tape of the two men inside, but their faces are covered. They've done an incredible job of concealment."

Oh no! Foiled again by the old mask trick! Incredible planning, incredible execution! But will the masked bandits strike again?

Someone needs to start holding seminars to remind all the other half-wits planning on robbing Jimmy Johns and Subways and gas stations:
A) Wear a fucking mask
B) Wear gloves
C) Wear pants and long-sleeved shirts to conceal race
C) Have a getaway car parked, with a driver, in a place not seen by the people you are robbing

I thought everyone in this country spent all their free time watching movies and television and eating potato chips. How have they still not picked up any of this stuff? I'm going to have a real breakdown if one more "criminal" get caught 'cause someone easily identified them to the police and men "fitting the description" were pulled over just blocks from the scene. How are we supposed to have any excitement when our best thieves are the guys robbing jewelry from JC Penny stores? Jesus, I hope they didn't take all the Paco jeans, too.