Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I WIN! I'M THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD!


Back on July 5 I gave a Colbertian wagging of the finger to Fandango for purchasing and then dismantling movies.com in an attempt to absorb its millions of users.
I took upon the Herculean task of sending angry emails to fandango, asking, no - demanding, that they bring back Mike's Buzz Bin and movie reviews by that Dave White guy. Well, ladies and gentleman, I received an email from Fuckdango this week: Movies.com is bringing back Mike's Buzz Bin and reviews by Mr. White.

These turn of events prove that, once again, I am the most powerful man in the world. My classically trained typing digits posses more clout than Paul Reuben, Fab Morvan, Rob Pilatus and Courtney Love - combined.

If there are any other world-plaguing injustices plaguing your limp, week and completely ineffectual little index fingers out there, I, Fred McSchmeckinstien, will write angry letters to anyone for the small fee of $1,000. It is time I use my powers for a greater good - capitalism!
Next on the list (if anyone pays me the per-letter fee) Henry Paulson, Mugabe, any Arab leaders, every citizen in Iraq, Syria, Pakistan and Afghanistan, all of you racists in Pennsylvania still clinging to guns and religion (I couldn't resist).

note: dammit, talking about Blandango on my blog again will probably trigger my advertisement bar to include fuckdango ads again

1 comment:

Amber Krosel said...

Mr. Scmeckmehstein or whomever you are nowadays: here's the ad that popped up for me.

"Midnight Club Los Angeles
Exotic. Fast. Powerful."

In other news, I heard Big Al's is moving its headquarters to a three-story building by the Pere Marquettte. You should inform us of this venture, and how prostitution will be much easier now that its within walking distance of beds.