Yesterday's forcast: Rain with a 100 percent chance of fail

Other than "Drag Me to Hell," the new releases this Tuesday were enough to motivate anyone to smash their home entertainment center. Read 'um and weep (I have not seen any of these movies, premature judgments made solely on DVD covers and trailers. Some of these might have come out before Tuesday)

"The Proposal" Watch Sandra Bullock shove more weak innuendo and half-hearted slapstick comedy down your happy little smiling face. Eat it up, it's Sandra, motherfuckers. Extra garbage bonus points for Ryan Reynolds' eternally smirking mug. Fail

"The Soloist" Judging by the cover and trailer, Robert Downey Jr. briefly shelved the 8-balls and instead snorted kilos of manic-mentor-sentimental-pixie dust to guide Jaime Fox's carazzzy cello genius in this attempted middle-brow prestige fest. The usually reliable RDJr should have left this role to Robin Williams, so we could ignore it all together. Jaime Foxx took a break from randomly mailing anthrax (that's not true) and carefully avoided going "full retard" here, but the Oscars are still not going to take the bait. This trap is more obvious than the Perverted Justice freaks who lure pederasts into Chris Hansons' cookie and lemonade torture (interview) chamber. Fail

"Land of the Lost" Who the fuck was this movie made for? Not children, it's got Danny McBride and Will Ferrel making bestiality jokes and otherwise not-suitable-for-the-tykes wisecracks (so I've heard). Not adults, it's got Will Ferrel and Danny McBride in a non R-rated flick. Not anyone, it's a remake of a crappy children's show mostly remembered for the cheesy dinosaurs and otherwise kitsch-heavy appeal. Off with the studio exec's heads. Fail

"Management" I've never even heard of this, but it's got Jennifer Aniston smiling, with a certain degree of undeserved superiority with a dash of "workplace relationships do the darndest things." Steve Zahn is resting his head on her shoulder, gazing towards her commanding bone structure like a castrated poodle. Fail

"The Last House on the Left" I'm running out of hate here, too much crap released on one Tuesday. Anywho ... Fail

Should this be a recurring feature?

Epic Fail

Dear 25 percent of Americans that still support George W. Bush, and/or 40 percent of Americans voting for John McCain:

Your movement is dying a slow and painful death.
It may spring back to life in 8, 12 or whatever years, but it's failed miserably and you are part of the minority still clinging to policies that have resulted in massive spike-covered earthworms eating away at Americans' rectal cavities.

Have you been irked by Obama's success? All media has to do is report what's going on in our country and around the world and of course it will appear negative towards McCain, he stands for all the same bullshit that has gotten us here in the first place — even with the incredibly incompetent 24/hour news media, no matter how they try to screw it up with the endless news cycle beating gaffes into your forehead and stretching half-truths and confusing opinions for facts.

Sure, there have been Democrats that haven't helped (Chris Dodd, Murtha ...) but they don't, at least in principle, represent the crumbling tower of Babel.

Simply reporting what is going on in this country looks bad for McCain and that is why Obama is destroying in the polls and many people are finally not voting against their own economic interests. If Wall Street hadn't collapsed, perhaps the Rovian tactics of fear and Evangelical base-stirring could have led the blind to another weaker-than-the-original-yet-still-diabolical Regan facsimile. Palin can try to divide America all she wants between lines of "real-Americans" and, ahem, whatever a "fake American" is, but it wont work. Americans' check books still need to be balanced, houses need to be paid, and giving more tax breaks to large corporations with more pull that any branch of government just isn't going to cut it. (And neither is stopping gays from getting married).

Your movement has failed so miserably that your own candidate, John McCain, claims he will try to change it. He is part of the incumbent party, yet he's co-opted the reform party's slogan, "change."

Lets have a quick summery:
Pre-emptive war and regime change to create a domino effect of democracy in mideast: Fail

Supposed reasons for going into iraq: Fail

Deregulation of banks and lack of government oversight of Wall Street: fail

trickle down economics (Bush's tax cuts): epic fail

Bush's plan to privatize social security: thank god we didn't give it the chance to fail or even more people's retirements would be tied up in sinking markets

diplomatic relations with Russia: currently failing

diplomatic relations with Iran: fail

diplomatic relations with N. Korea: I have no idea

finding Osama bin Laden and stabilizing Afghanistan: fail

diplomatic relations Pakistan: soon to fail

the troop "surge": successful solution to unnecessary problem .. hey! a half success!

leaving office better than you found it: fail

PS: If you think trickle down economics and lack of oversight of Wall Street didn't help to cause today's problems, then you must surely believe that poor people caused the crises.

note: I copy/pasted part of this entry from things I wrote in a facebook message. So, if I ever yearned for any respect/credibility/whatever, I will never attain it and remain a hack forever.